i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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