i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
