dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
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