so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
