Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
