youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
