just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
