mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
