he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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