i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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