don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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