i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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