I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
