Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
