There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
