K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
