I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
how does that bad decision feel?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
