You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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