glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
