i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
