We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
