booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
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