I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
