how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
