do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
