I'm lost and stupid without you.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
