i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
