i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
