Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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