I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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