I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
