I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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