I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
