you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
