KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
