I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
