Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
