I wish you could order shots online.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
