actually, I'm a sock model
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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