friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
