you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
