Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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