You made me cry and you don't even care
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
