I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
