I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
