omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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