Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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