if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
