I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
