do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
