CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
