I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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