I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
