There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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